


Which One's the Gay Ear?

by bigfeetbiggersocks



Category: Bill & Ted (Movies)
Genre: Ear Piercings, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Idiots in Love, M/M, Stargazing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:14:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27099442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bigfeetbiggersocks/pseuds/bigfeetbiggersocks
Summary: "Which ear is the gay one, dude?""There's a gay ear?""Yeah, one of your ears is gay, dude."Bill watched Ted tilt his head to the side, brows furrowed."I thought both my ears were straight though, since, you know, I'm straight, and they're a part of me."Bill shook his head. "No, man, one of your ears is gay and if you pierce that side that means you like dudes."-CW: use of the f slur
Relationships: Ted "Theodore" Logan & Bill S. Preston Esq., Ted "Theodore" Logan/Bill S. Preston Esq.
Comments: 14
Kudos: 150





	Which One's the Gay Ear?

The first time Bill cropped one of his shirts was on a Thursday afternoon in late July, after he had seen a man wearing a cropped Led Zeppelin tee leaving Circle K. The shirt was solid black, and the cut was uneven but Bill loved it nonetheless. His dad had given him an odd look when he bounded out of the house the next morning on his way to Ted's, but hadn't said anything about it.

Ted had loved it almost as much as Bill. 

"Dude, you look most boadacious!" And Bill outright beamed at the compliment, smiling only widening as they air guitared in unison. 

Bill cropped even more of his shirts after that.

The next one he cut was a Motörhead shirt Ted passed on to Bill after he'd outgrown it last spring. Bill also sliced the sleeves off of this one, mimicking a character he saw in an action movie that was otherwise so mediocre that Bill had forgotten its name.

Next came a blue and green flannel he'd stolen from Ted that past winter. In his defence it was cold as balls inside the ice rink and Ted's flannel was so big and warm. Ted didn't seem to mind either.

The last shirt Bill cropped was a plain grey shirt he didn't remember buying. Ted was over when he cut this one, and was watching intently as Bill modified the tee. 

"Bill, my friend?" Bill paused and shifted his gaze towards Ted. 

"Yes, Ted, my most excellent companion?"

"I have an idea for how you could make this shirt even more non-heinous, dude." 

Bill finished cropping the shirt before he handed it over to Ted, who wasted no time in grabbing a sharpie and going to town on the right shoulder. 

It wasn't long before Ted was showing the garment to Bill, a proud smile nestled on his face. 

There was a large horse's head on the back of the shirt, mouth open and mane wild. It looked absolutely sick.

"Woah, Ted! This is most non-non-non-henious!" 

"It's a Wyld Stallyn, dude!" 

Bill decided that it was his new favorite shirt as they air guitared together.

When Bill was seventeen he watched a man with two ear piercings wink at him from across the street. After processing what had just happened he turned to face Ted and in a low voice he said: "I think I should pierce my ear, dude."

Ted nodded. "I agree. An ear piercing would suit you most excellently." 

They gathered the necessary supplies from the local mall and returned to Bill's house, spreading the needles, ice, and hydrogen peroxide across his bedsheets. Ted was still holding the small silver hoop the two of them had settled on, turning it around in his hand.

"Which ear do you want me to do?" 

Bill chewed on his inner cheek, thinking. He knew one of them was dubbed the 'gay ear' and that he'd most definitely be made fun of if he accidentally peirced that side, but he genuinely could not recall which ear it was. Maybe Ted knew.

"Which ear is the gay one, dude?"

"There's a gay ear?" 

"Yeah, one of your ears is gay, dude."

Bill watched Ted tilt his head to the side, brows furrowed.

"I thought both my ears were straight though, since, you know, I'm straight, and they're a part of me."

Bill shook his head. "No, man, one of your ears is gay and if you pierce that side that means you like dudes." 

"This is a most egregious predicament, my friend." 

Ted sat on the edge of the bed, staring at the earring in his hand. Bill sat next to him.

"Wait, Ted, dude!" Ted's head snapped up to look at him. "Which of my ears looks gayer?" 

Ted leaned in close to him, examining both of his ears. Bill did his best to ignore the way that the proximity made his cheeks turn pink and his heart beat faster. 

"I think your left ear looks a little queer, dude." Ted pulled back and it made Bill's chest ache slightly. 

They sterilized the biggest needle of the bunch with the peroxide and numbed Bill's right ear with the ice before Ted pierced his earlobe. He helped Bill insert the earring into the small hole and they both did nothing but stare at the piercing in Bill's mirror for the next five minutes. 

They had so much fun doing it that Bill almost didn't mind when he realized they'd gotten it wrong after getting called a fag by half the senior class. 

When Bill turned nineteen he and Ted moved into their first apartment together. It was cramped and the water pressure sucked, but it was cheap and it was theirs. They got most of their furniture from Bill's dad or Goodwill, but neither of them really minded. Their walls were covered from head to toe in band posters, street signs, and polaroids of each other. Bill's never felt more at home anywhere else.

Deep down Bill knew that it was probably because he hadn't been sharing a space with Ted anywhere else, but he chose not to think too hard about that.

Another thing Bill loved about life in their apartment was the routine he and Ted developed together. Every morning they'd wake up and eat cereal (or burnt eggs, thanks to Ted's sub-par cooking skills) and take turns getting ready before heading off to work. Ted had a job at the pretzel stand at the mall, and Bill worked for the Blockbuster across the street. Their shifts ended at relatively the same time and they usually got takeout before heading home to write songs and listen to whatever album they decided was particularly excellent that day. Sometimes Deacon would call them during their daily jam sesh, so Bill hadn't thought much of it when Ted had gotten up from the couch to go answer the ringing phone.

He did think much of it, though, when he saw Ted's smile drop and his face pale. 

He couldn't hear a lot of Ted's conversation but the occasional 'yes sir' and 'sorry, dad' made it easy for him to guess that Ted was talking to his father.

The thought made his blood boil.

Bill was less than fond of Captain Logan, and the way he treated Ted was most odious. It took Bill everything not to lash into the man as a kid, the taste of bile tainting his throat everytime a threat, slur, or insult was hurled at Ted. If it wasn't for the solid feeling of Ted's grip on his wrist Bill might've landed his ass in jail.

The look on Ted's face made Bill wish he had gone for the criminal record. He tried to hide his anger, though, as Ted hung up the phone and made his back to the couch, shoulders slumped.

Bill slid closer to Ted, placing a hand on his forearm. 

"Everything okay, dude?"

Ted shook his head but said nothing else, opting instead to rest his head on Bill's shoulder and reach for his hand, lacing their fingers together. The longest minute in history passed before Bill placed his head on top of Ted's, eyes focused on their interlocked hands. Neither of them acknowledged it when they woke up in the same position the next morning, but Bill would be lying if he said the memory didn't make him feel warm inside.

Bill experienced his first breakup at twenty-one. He wasn't necessarily heartbroken; It was a long time coming. He and Joanna had been drifting apart for a while beforehand, and the last time they'd kissed was months ago. Ted, on the other hand, was shocked.

"I can't believe she dumped you, dude!" Ted's sprawled across his bed, hand hanging off of the side. Van Halen was playing in the background.

"Shut up, Ted." 

"No, really dude! You're a catch! I don't know how she doesn't see that." 

Bill pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes from where he was laying down on his own bed. He'd been having somewhat of a crisis regarding his feelings for Ted as of late, and being called 'a catch' by the man himself wasn't exactly helpful. He only pressed harder as Ted continued.

"You're smart and you have the most excellent taste in music. You wear the coolest clothes," He paused to gesture towards Bill's outfit. "and you look like one of those ancient Greek statues we learned about in history class. Joanna's missing out on a stellar dude, dude." 

Bill groaned. He didn't know why Ted felt the need to reassure him so thoroughly that it wasn't his fault things didn't work out with Joanna. He hadn't behaved like this when Elizabeth left Ted; Instead they'd gone for ice cream and browsed the guitar section at the local music shop. 

"Ted, dude, shut up." 

"No way, dude! You've got to-"

"Shut up, Ted!" He rolled over onto his stomach, groaning yet again. He uncovered his eyes and watched as Ted curled into himself.

"Sorry, dude."

Ah, fuck.

"No, dude, you didn't do anything wrong. I just, I'm fine, Ted, really. I'm okay with being single." Bill gave Ted the widest smile possible and was relieved when he saw Ted mirror his expression.

"Just had to make sure, man." Ted threw his pillow at Bill, who caught it with ease before throwing it back. The awkwardness of their conversation faded into laughter as they threw the pillow between them, sometimes hitting each other in the face or stomach. By the time Bill went to sleep his cheeks were aching and his mind was so full of Ted that Joanna didn't even seem to exist.

Bill's always kind of known he was at least a little gay, but it didn't sink it fully until he was twenty-two and cutting Ted's hair for him. 

Actual haircuts were expensive and it wasn't like Ted wanted something difficult, just a trim, so Bill was happy to do it for him. As if he'd pass up an opportunity to have his face so close to Ted's without fear of it being faggy. 

There was one small problem, however; It was kind of faggy. Yeah, Bill was doing everything in power not to focus on the feeling of Ted's breath against his skin, or on the tickle of Ted's hair against his fingertips, but apparently whatever Bill was doing wasn't enough. It dawned on him that he really, really wanted to kiss Ted. 

The same thing happened the following morning, when he and Ted finally nailed that pancake recipe they'd been attempting to make for the past month and a half now. And it happened yet again when Ted fixed his hat for him later that same day. And again whenever Ted smiled at him. And when Ted laughed. And when Ted looked at him.

Bill really, really, really wanted to kiss Ted. 

The feeling peaked one night in late September, three hours after Wyld Stallyns played a concert at a nearby bar, while he and Ted were sitting together on the roof of their apartment building, watching the stars. Stargazing had been Ted's idea, but Bill was the one who remembered to bring a blanket for them in case it got cold. It had, and they were pressed thigh to thigh under the shared warmth of the blanket.

Bill was so distracted by the beauty of the night sky that he almost missed the feeling of Ted's hand creeping towards his own, linking their pinkies together. It reminded him of that moment all those years ago, when Ted held his hand for comfort after a most egregious call from his father. The link between the memory and the present only grew stronger when Ted shifted to rest his head on top of Bill's shoulder, face tucked into the crook of his neck.

Bill felt like he couldn't breathe.

"Ted?"

"Mhm."

"You all good, dude?" 

Ted laughed, soft and breathy, and Bill could feel the vibration of it against his skin. 

"I'm perfect." He interlaced their fingers and gave Bill's hand a squeeze.

"Ted?"

"Yeah, Bill?"

"What is this?" Ted pulled back until their eyes met, hands still clasped. There was the faintest of smiles on his face, and Bill couldn't help but reply with a smile of his own.

"What do you want this to be?"

Bill shook his head, gaze falling to his lap.

"You won't like what I want this to be."

"Try me, dude."

Here goes nothing. 

"Ted, dude, I think I'm gay."

He's shocked that Ted didn't freeze up, or gasp, or jump away from Bill in disgust. In fact, it felt kind of like Ted had moved even closer to him.

"Bill, dude, I think I'm half-gay." Bill broke out into laughter at that, and it wasn't long before Ted was joining him.

"Half-gay?" 

"Yeah! Like, half into babes and half into dude-babes!" Another round of laughter passed between them. 

"Bill?"

"Yeah, Ted."

"How would you feel if I told you I was half-gay for you, dude?"

Bill's brain short-circuited and his heart practically stopped. If he was still sixteen and hearing this he might've actually died. 

"Are you, dude?"

The smile on Ted's face widened in a uniquely Ted way and his bangs flopped in front of his eyes. 

"Yeah."

"Cool. Me too. Well, I'm full-gay for you, but you know, me too." They were both laughing again as they met in the middle, finally melting together as BillandTed instead of just Bill and Ted. 

No amount of cropped shirts or pierced ears, cherry slushies or sick guitars, new cassette tapes or DIY haircuts could beat the way kissing Ted made Bill feel. He was both floating and grounded, both real and imaginary. He was living a dream, a secret and shameful dream he usually saved for nights when he was alone and especially brave, but this time there was no shame or secret. He was kissing Ted out in the open, on the roof of a building in San Dimas at one in the morning, and it was transcendent. 

"Ted, dude."

"Yeah, Bill?"

"I'm glad you didn't pierce my straight ear, man." 

The sound of their laughter mingled with Forever by KISS, swirling through the sky and towards the stars. All was right in the universe, at least for now.

**Author's Note:**

> hey guess what it's me again  
> it's 4am when I'm posting this n it's 100% not beta-read so as per usual ignore the fuckups but I was rly excited to write this mishmosh of them being gay idiots so I rly hope y'all enjoy it:)


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